Ubisoft Promotes SC: Conviction With a Potential Hostage Situation!

So imagine this: You’re out with a few buddies at a bar. You guys are having a couple drinks and laughing about the day’s events or bitching about or girlfriends or wives. As you get deep into buzzed conversation, the feeling of slightly inebriated bonhomie evaporates with someone suddenly crying out “HE’S GOT A GUN!” Now your first thought is probably not “Oh this is clearly a publicity stunt for some stealth/action game or another.” No, it’s probably not the initial line of thought of the other bar patrons, nor the police!

Ubisoft made the terrible mistake of hiring some group of grimey crack-fiends that managed to pose as a marketing company to organize an event that would help to promote the release of Splinter Cell: Conviction. These crazy-asses thought it would be a good idea to help promote the game by having an actor pull a fake pistol at a bar in New Zealand and wave it around. I can’t help but wonder; who the hell authorized this little stunt? What group of coked-out guerilla marketers would all really think to do that in an age where the fear of domestic terrorism has all forms of law enforcement on their toes? I fail to see how this fool-hardy spectacle would increase the sales of a video game. I don’t see anything aside from injuries, deaths, and law-suits coming from such brilliant marketing strategies.

How funny would that have been if someone had decided to play hero? What about the unaccounted for undercover off-duty police officer having a drink with his personal side-arm still strapped to his leg? Maybe some criminal barely eluded incarceration through some obscure gap in the law earlier that day and this cop is buzzed, armed, and looking for some hard justice. Ubisoft and their devious marketers could have ended up with some blood on their hands with this one! According to the New Zealand Herald there were about 20 people present when this gullible actor pulled his piece out and began to advertize SC: Conviction by waving the fake gun about and haphazardly pointing it at random people. Yeah, I’m sure these people really want a copy of the game now!

Who the hell was this actor and what was he on? He must have been the dumb guy in the group and was talked into pulling this stunt. How do you walk into a bar, lips sticky from the four bottles of Dayquill and three Redbulls, feeling the weight of both the fake gun and the knowledge that soon you have to pull it out? The only way it could have gotten any better was if dude went total commando and brought a handful of smoke-bombs and flash-bangs. Or if the guy decided the pay wasn’t good enough and started negotiations demanding a helicopter, fuel, and unmarked bills! I would not recommend Ubisoft engage the services of these assholes ever again. Unless they are planning some kind of violent revolution that involved suicide attacks….then maybe they could have their uses.

Joseph Bryant – SwiftGlassEater