Those of you that know me well are aware of my fascination with who would come out on top over who in a fist fight. Anyone that has gone to school, spent time, or worked with me have probably heard me pose some query such as “So who do you think would win in a fist fight; Jeff or Bob?” or some such nonsense. As I was tooling about gaming news and came across a few pieces regarding Jun and Cliffy, I began to pontificate. If these two met in the field of battle, who would emerge as the victor? Jun Takeuchi is most renowned for his work with the Lost Planet series and the Resident Evil franchise. Cliff Bleszinsky, AKA Cliffy B, is known for his smashing success in Gears of War, and his fool-faced failure in Gears of War 2. Let us take a moment and examine a few facts that may or may not be determining factors.
Who would come out on top in this brawl between scrawny nerds?
- Origins: Jun Takeuchi, as you may have guessed, was born in Japan. He was born and raised in Tokyo, Japan. Ol’ Cliffy B was born in Massachusetts. Those are two very different upbringings, are they not? Seeing as how the people of Japan seem to have more discipline instilled in them than the average American, coupled with the fact that everyone knows that people from Massachusetts can’t fight, I’m going to go ahead and give this round to Jun.
- Age: The world of video games was cursed on Feb. 12th 1975 with the skinny white boy that is Clifford Bleszinsky. Though he is no fresh-faced kid, he is not quite as aged as Jun. Jun Takeuchi was born in 1964. Though he may have the wisdom of age, 46 is over the hill and flirting with the edge. As Cliffy should be looking into ways to hide his bald spot, Jun should be contemplating his will.
- Combat Experience: Are you serious? There’s a good chance that this would come down to slapping, crying, and hair pulling.
- Weigh Up: These snerd ferglers seem to be equally limp-wristed and underweight. As neither have the size advantage over the other, this scrap would come to grit. Well, unless one of them pulls a knife. That would be a determining factor, for sure.
- Most Renowned Main Characters: Jun’s flagship franchise, Resident Evil, is currently represented by Chris Redfield. Cliffy’s iconic warrior would have to be Marcus Fenix. I’m going to have to say that Marcus Fenix would likely punk out Chris Redfield. Jun takes this one for sure.
- Various Rumors: Finding information regarding Jun Takeuchi has been very difficult, which leads me to believe that he is, in fact, an immortal. Yes, an immortal Japanese man that periodically fakes his own death, lays low for a time, re-appears in order to revolutionize the gaming industry, and slips back into the shadows of history. In other news, I made up a rumor claiming that Cliffy B sits down to pee.
Is this shocking to you???
If you’ve entertained this nonsense this far, then go the rest of the way and help me out here. Tell me what you think. Look into who these dudes are, make your decision, and tell me why! I’m talking about an all-out brawl till death do they part, know what I mean? After reviewing these facts and other factors as well, share with me your conclusion. Who will be victorious? Jun or Cliffy? Japan or Massachusetts? As for the next match I would like to discuss, the Infinity Ward team VS. A full grown lion!!
Joseph Bryant – SwiftGlassEater
