Mortal Kombat Hits The Big Screen Again

Who didn’t love encasing their opponent in ice and then shattering them into frozen dust with a well-placed snowball? How could you pass up the chance to hurl a spear into some punk-ass ninja’s gut, then reel him in like a fish on a line, all while shouting the phrase that still elicits a bit of nostalgia in us all: “GET OVER HERE!!!”

Since plenty of us have grown up during the advent of video games, Mortal Kombat was like a bike with training wheels: it got us ready for the bigger, better things to come, but it was still a blast to use. Simple button-mashing for some of us, quick combos that rarely worked for the rest. It was good, bloody fun, and nobody can take that away from us.

Who would have seen Mortal Kombat, though, making as many games as it has? It’s developed a mythology all its own. Back before MKIII, nobody cared about the storyline; all we had to care about was watching for that one last opening for the super uppercut, or jumping over the billionth freezing blast that Sub-Zero had thrown our way. Of course, as a series gains popularity, they’re bound to make sequels, and as more sequels come out, the franchise usually finds a way to expand its merchandise to other mediums. For a series like Mortal Kombat, the options that made the most sense to produce were action figures, bed sheets (no, Sub Zero isn’t on mine… yet), television series, and, of course, movies.

For the convenience of the audience, I present this flowchart which describes the video game-to-movie process:

The original film adaptation of Mortal Kombat was mind blowing to me when I first saw it. Fortunately for the creators of the film, I was only seven years old, unable to see this steaming lump of cinematic excrement for what it truly was: lame. Bad acting, lots of plot holes, the Goro puppet, and barely enough blood to fill a shot glass were all details that were so idiotically included, I can only shake my head in disbelief.

I actually caught myself watching it very recently, and though it’s a great movie to make fun of, it’s a far cry from the sweetness of the games. I almost wish Mystery Science Theater 3000 were still around, just so they could rip on this movie. Enjoyable to a fan of the game, but there haven’t really been any fans of this game for a while, have there?

The second movie, though a bit less graphically-challenged than the first one, was an even bigger waste of time. Sure, it featured a bunch of the newer characters, and yeah, it gave us the death of Johnny Cage almost instantly (my least favorite character from the first one; I remember wanting to cheer in the theater), but, if possible, it got even campier than the first movie. It threw in characters that only die-hard fans would even try to recognize, the fight scenes weren’t very well choreographed, and the acting… well, it just made you want to commit serious bodily harm to the nearest available target. Not to mention that almost the entire cast was overhauled, leaving us only with the original Liu Kang and Kitana (neither of whom made the urge to commit bodily harm subside.) I mean, we didn’t even have Christian Lambert (you know, the guy who played the Highlander) as Raiden anymore? What the HELL? Talk about a deal breaker.

But all of that, hopefully, is a thing of the past.

I just scoped this trailer that gives us a glimpse of something wholly new and amazing: a movie that makes Mortal Kombat look badass again. The best way I can think to describe the shift is like the difference between the 1950’s version of Batman (God bless Adam West) and Christian Bale’s version in Batman Begins. Instead of gaudily dressed, interplanar ninjas fighting kung-fu masters and four-armed behemoths, we’re given serial killers and assassins; legitimate sociopaths who are being recruited for some underground fighting tournament.

Reality is sometimes sweeter than fiction.

Of course, all the old alliances are in place, as well as the feuds, so, assuming this little trailer gets the thumbs up in Hollywood, we might get to see something truly epic here. The thought of a live action Mortal Kombat movie that doesn’t suck makes me feel all fuzzy and warm inside, just like when I used to spill galleons of my opponent’s blood on the digital ground, then rip out his still-beating heart and show it to him before he exploded for some reason.

In any case, if this movie comes out, I WILL BE SEEING IT. I might just bust out a few of the old MKs to get back into the mood. If any of you ever loved Mortal Kombat, in any form, on any system, for any length of time, I invite you to do the same. Hell, I’d even dig out the old Reptile costume I wore for second grade Halloween to wear to the premiere. I wonder if it still fits…