….well i’m well sure by now you’ve all met my lovely Bayonetta. She’s my first Love in the year of our lord 2010, so sexy and romantic,i couldnt really get enough of her not because she’s smart, athletic and all that attributes you could give a perfect lady but she’s just mine all mine for whole 2 days.
This is the story of my affair with Bayonetta…………….
It all started when MajorNelson announced there’s a new hot chic (Bayonetta demo) in town (Xbox Live Marketplace). I was all sceptic about it when i saw her, knowing i am married….the desire of laying my hands on this new hot chic was so enormous, but the weather prognose of the winter season wont just let me ignore the warmth this offer could bring with it. So i made the first move, she was all smile… i guess she was like ” if i lay my hands on this handsome guy, he will never look back”. And guess what, she was right. Inviting her for dinner took less than 30 minutes high bandwidth negotiation, but my ISP assured me it’s all good. Talking about my ISP “Alice” (another story entirely), she’s also a beauty…..she would have cut off the connection had she known what i was up to. I know you guys are all like what’s up with this guy and girls, not my fault i can’t just help it, btw i lost Alice to Brad Pitt, i hate that guy.
Back to matter at hand, so I fired up the demo…i was greeted by usual HD graphics and all that bling bling, my first impression was like oh damn, got to play this game. It was all fun…short but served the purpose, the demo i mean.
So, yesterday i got my 2nd date with Bayonetta from my videogame library around the main train station while coming back from work, on the first blick of the cover i started my daydreaming all again,that sexy fantasy.
Got home, made the usual yadada with my wife, she was already looking at me with suspicion….and damn she’s right. I’m about to commit adultery with bayonetta, well i slot it in right away, the bayonetta CD inside the xbox i mean 
There they come again, those brilliant graphics…. i mean the foreplay is already irresistible and i was welcomed with the story behind the lady bayonetta.
Bayonetta is actually a witch, she’s got these enormous powers beyond comprehension of humans, in this game we are faced with countless numbers of angelic enemies “Lumen Sages”, those are worshippers of Light as far as i can really understand it, and my w(b)itch get to run allover them….. tomato-saucing them every time.
The game has got other characters like Enzo, who is like Joe Pesci or lets say Danny Devito in his jokes cracking days, others include Jeanne – another Umbra Witch “Sisterhood to Bayonetta” , Rodin who provides you with the gadgets, items, and weapons via his shop in hell…and a lil bit of wacky jokes, and Luka an annoying journalist annoying/flirting with Bayonetta the whole time.
I’ve read many places, people saying this game is another Devil May Cry or God Of War, although they might belong to same genre but Bayonetta is da witch i mean the game is way better than any of those 2, the problem with Bayonetta would’ve been story line, as in it’s not really straight forward. But this is saved by the ever interesting and different approaches you have to use when dealing with each of the enemies, some of them could be wasted by mere guns, and others are better done with combat combos. The game has 2 loadouts of weapons, A and B, these are easily accessed by tapping LT on your Xbox360 controller. You could have a Katana and a Pistol on A, and on B u set yourself up with the whip, yes she’s got whip like a domina. so, on B u can have a Whip and another customised Pistol by Rodin. Well, this is up to you to choose,because the game combat is up to the player to accustomed.
According to the guys at Edge: “From start to finish its intricate and intuitive fighting system is a masterclass, and it even finds time to reclaim vehicle levels”. I can only attest to this, the game is awesome.
Inside the game Bayonetta, i initially thought the game is about good vs evil, so along the line i realised the game is about the balance in the universe…between light and darkness. The game has 2 main Clans in it, the Umbran Witches to which Bayonetta belongs are the darkness worshippers, and the 2nd clan is the Lumen Sages, the light worshippers. The game also shows us 3 worlds, the Paradiso “light worshippers world”, the inferno “darkness world” and the human world in the middle. Both clans respected each other deeply, until a tragic incident caused the two clans to enter into a battle. At the end, there can only be one Queen B: Bayonetta.
Bayonetta as persona is just wonderful to watch, the tricks, the combat moves. Personally, she’s the only feminine character I’ve ever really enjoyed playing. The game is action packed, from the word go, you just continue getting immersed in this world of ready to press the button, because u know u cant take 10 steps before u have another of those Lumen Sages to waste away. Bayonetta allows me to do a lot of things, one of those is what we men really dream…. the ability to bring her to climax every round, in each round of the game u have the opportunity to bring her to climax during combat scene. In this situation, u are asked to press a combo button to bring her to climax, after a succesful activation, Bayonetta takes off her cloth and her hair rise up to form some kind of devilish monster, which devours the enemy.
My sexy witch also has the ability to equip weapons on both her hands and her feet, this really gives a unique way a combo is handled during the combat. Initially, Bayonetta has a loadout of four pistols, Scarborough Fair,each gun for both hands and feet. The weapon combinations result in different set of combos, which was helpful as i passed through the game.
After exploring the world of Bayonetta, many things come to mind:
Although the Boss Battles are sometimes pain in the a$$,but those combat systems put in place in this game are just wonderful.
For once i really enjoyed playing a game with just few wishes left (the storyline and audio could be better), but that didn’t even affect the fun i had with Bayonetta, she’s a lady for all season. I hope to see her again.
Finally, I can confirm that this game is best played on Xbox 360, because the PS3 version is under par, the PS3 port is woeful compared to the Xbox360 port. So be careful if own both consoles, try get the xbox360 version instead.
